I think we need ice cream
by protect
Summary: MerDer story starting at the end of season two. Starts a bit dark, will get lighter soon. reviews either way are very welcome! finished
1. introduction

Hi everyone,

I already posted this story quite a while back, somewhere before season 3 started actually.

But not knowing how things work here, it uploaded the whole story in one go, making it somewhat hard to read.

Never bothered to change it, but now that I'm hanging around here again, figured I'd fix it and make it more readable.

Probably won't be posting everything tonight as I've got some other stuff to do as well. But will post it all soon.

For those who never read it before, hope you like it.

Reviews and feedback is always welcome.

enjoy


	2. birthing ponies, or something

"I… I have to go check on Izzie."

Meredith quickly turns around and runs down the stairs.

"Meredith!" Derek calls, and chases after her. Finn catches him at the top of the stairs.

"Where are you going? She's my girlfriend! You're married!"

"You're a vet."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh go birth a pony or something!" Derek shakes Finn off and runs after Meredith. He catches up with her outside.

"Meredith! Mer you can't just leave like this."

"Can't I?"

"Please Mer. Don't leave me hanging like this. You.. you've got to choose."

"Well why don't you go sit in Joe's bar, and wait to see if I show up!"

With that Meredith storms off across the parking lot towards her friends who are just getting in their car.


	3. drinking in despair

Even though he knows she won't come, she went home to look after Izzie, he still goes to Joe's. Partly because he desperately hopes she will show up anyway, partly because he doesn't want to go home right now.

"Hey Joe."

He says as he pulls up a seat at the bar.

"Doc."

Joe acknowledges "Alone tonight?"

"Yup, just me tonight."

Derek sighs.

"The usual?"

Joe asks, while pouring the drink.

"You got it."

Derek downs it in one and signals for another.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

Joe asks as he puts down the new drink in front of Derek.

"Not really."

Joe shrugs and turns away from him.

"I slept with Meredith."

Joe turns back so quick he almost gives himself a whiplash.

"What? When?"

"Bout an hour ago."

Derek just stares at his glass, picturing what happened again. It had felt so good, so right. Even though it was so wrong.


	4. some night

"Come on Izzie, let's get you to bed." Meredith said as they got home. Izzie, had stopped crying, and was just standing there, staring into nothing, like a hollow shell. Alex and Meredith took her upstairs and into her room. They undressed her and put her into bed. She let it all happen, she didn't have the strength or the will to fight anything anymore. "I'll stay with her for a while. At least till she sleeps." Alex offers. Meredith looks at him and nods. "Okay."

Alex crawls into bed next to Izzie, and Meredith heads downstairs. "Coffee?" George offers as she enters the living room. "Yeah thanks." Meredith sighs as she lets herself fall on the couch.

"So.."

"So" Meredith repeats.

"That was some night." George sighs.

"Tell me about it."

"I still can't believe she quit. I mean, what's she going to do now?"

"I don't know George. I don't know."

"She has to come back right? I mean, she just has to." George is starting to sound a little defeated, like the magnitude of what happened is only just starting to sink in.

Meredith looks at him. She doesn't know what to say. She just gives his arm a small squeeze, hoping it comes across as reassuring.

George stares into nothing for a while, then breaking the silence.

"You know Callie told me she loved me."

"Wow." Meredith replies.

"Yeah. I know. It's big right?"

"kind of"

"I didn't say it back."

Meredith looks at George again, and he looks back at her.

"I don't know if I do. I mean I like her. Really like her."

Meredith gives him a sympathetic smile.

"I think I want to love her. Does that sound weird?"

"No." Meredith shakes her head sadly. "No it doesn't."

All of a sudden Meredith realises she and George are in the same place. They've got someone loving them, someone they desperately want to love back. But they don't. Not yet anyway.

"I think we need ice-cream" He sighs.

"Or tequila" She agrees.

"Or both" George concludes.


	5. tired

Derek stops his car and slowly gets out. The short walk up to the trailer has never been this long. He feels like he can hardly raise his feet.

He lifts a heavy arm and opens the door.

Addison is sitting at the table reading a magazine.

"Hey." He says as he enters.

"Hey." She replies, looking up at him

He sits down across from her.

"So you want anything? A drink? Something to eat?"

"I'm tired Addison."

He says, rubbing his face with his hands, he feels like he hasn't slept for months.

"Okay well, it's been a long day, lets go to bed."

Praying that that was what he really meant. She wanted things to be alright so badly. She wanted to ignore everything that had happened the last couple of days, the words, the looks, she wanted to pretend they never happened. She wanted to pretend they were happy.

"No Addison. I'm tired. I can't do it anymore." He says looking at her.

"Do what?"

Addison asks even though she's pretty sure she doesn't want to hear the answer.

"I can't fight anymore. I can't keep fighting for us. I'm tired. I can't keep fighting for something I don't believe in anymore. Something I haven't believed in for quite a while now."

Addison looks at him, he looks so sad. And he does look very tired. She knows he's right. Whatever had happened tonight had been a long time coming. And so had this talk. And she knew it. But admitting defeat is difficult. Difficult and painful.

"I'm sorry."

His voice sounds broken. He looks up at her again. Then he gets up and moves to the bedroom. He quietly undresses and crawls into bed, alone with his thoughts. Addison remains seated at the table, silently crying for her loss.


	6. silence

He had only just drifted off to a light slumber when he felt her get into the bed with him. He knew she'd been crying out there. But he couldn't comfort her. He had been crying himself, on the inside, but still crying.

'So this is how it ends.' Addison thought to herself. 'In silence. Just dying out in the night.' She's on her back staring at the ceiling, barely daring to glance over to her husband. When she does risk it for a second, she only sees his back, turned towards her. He's not sleeping, his breathing is irregular and deep and every now and then he makes small movements, like he's adjusting the sheets or something.

Neither got much sleep that night. They were both awake and aware that the other was awake, but not a word was spoken. The silence was unbearable, but words would have torn them to shreds.


	7. morning

"Hey" George greeted as he entered the kitchen that morning.

"Hey" Meredith replied as she looked up from the paper.

"So did you get much sleep last night?"

"No not really."

"Me neither. I kept thinking about Izzie. And when I wasn't thinking about her I was thinking about Callie."

George pours himself some coffee and gets some breakfast.

"So what did you think about all night?"

"Huh?" Meredith questions, pretending not to have heard him to buy time. 'Should she tell him? Tell him about McDreamy. He'd probably be upset with her. And they just started talking again. She really needed to talk to someone. But George?'

"What kept you up all night?"

"Oh, uh, same as you." She decided against telling.

"Morning" Alex entered the kitchen, keeping George from questioning her any further.

"Hey. How's Izzie?" Meredith asked.

"She's still not talking. She just lays there and stares at the wall. It's kinda scary."

"I wish there was something we could do." George says handing Alex a cup of coffee. "Thanks. Yeah. I don't know."

"I guess all we can do right now is be there." Meredith replies.

"Well I'm not working today, or tomorrow, so I'll keep an eye on her." George offers.

"I have to work in about an hour. Alex?"

"Yeah me too."

"Well at least you can stay George, that's good."


	8. it's in the past

Meredith and Alex get into her car to go to the hospital.

"So how are you doing? This can't be easy." Meredith asks Alex, looking over at him.

Alex refuses to look back. "Just helping a friend." He shrugs.

"Oh come on. I don't buy that for one second."

"Whatever."

"Alex you love Izzie."

"No I don't."

"You do."

"I don't."

Meredith looks at him again, he seems to be getting a little worked up.

"You so do."

"I might have. Maybe. But not anymore. Not since Denny."

"See."

"It's in the past. The very distant past."

"Sure."

"It is. She fell for the sick dude and I'm over it."

"Alex just because she was with someone else, doesn't mean you immediately stop loving someone."

"Oh what, like you and Shepherd?"

Meredith wants to say something but nothing comes out. She looks at him, then her eyes move back to the road.

"I'm with Finn now."

Alex lets out a snort.

"It took me a while to get over Derek. Just like it's gonna take a while for you to get over Izzie. I'm over him now. I'm with Finn."

"Oh come on. You've never even gotten remotely close to being over him."

That hit her. She thought she'd been doing such a good job of pretending everything was fine.  
How come Alex could always break right through her charades? Her hands grip the wheel harder as she is fighting to keep the tears inside.  
Alex looks over to her as she's gone all quiet. He sees a tear rolling down her face.


	9. messed up

Neither of them has spoken another word when they pull into the hospital parking lot about ten minutes later. Meredith parks the car, but neither of them makes a movement to leave the car. They just sit there in silence.

Alex looks over to Meredith again, tears still rolling down her cheeks. He hadn't meant to make her cry. He had just wanted to steer away from the subject Izzie.

"Sorry" He tries, looking over to her.

Their eyes meet briefly, then both are staring into the distance again.

"So I still love Izzie." Alex finally admits, gaze fixed on the side window.

Meredith just keeps staring in the distance.

"I slept with McDreamy." Meredith barely manages, staring ahead refusing to meet his gaze.

"WHAT?" Alex whips his head around so quick he almost tears a muscle in his neck.

"Last night. During prom." Meredith sobs. "Am I the worst person in the world? Cause it feels like I am."

Alex starts to chuckle lightly.

"Wow. I knew you were messed up…"


	10. rock?

"Hey." Meredith greets as she and Alex enter the locker room where Cristina is already changing into her scrubs.

"Hey." She replies.

"You working today?" Meredith questions, she had expected her to be with Burke all day.

"Yeah, need to keep busy. Besides Burke said I'm driving him crazy so... How's Izzie doing?"

"Not that good. She's just laying in bed and not talking. George is staying with her, so at least she's not alone." Meredith updates as she pulls her scrub top over her head.

"So you and George are talking again huh?"

"Yeah I guess. Sort of. Well we kind of have to. We used to talk to Izzie, she was our rock. But now…"

"Now the pebbles have to stick together and be their own rock."

"Well, yeah. How d'you come up with that analogy?" Raising her eyebrow at Cristina.

"Sleep deprived." She sighs.


	11. tell me something

As Derek approaches the nurses station he sees Meredith exiting a patient room and turning down the hall. He puts down his chart and starts following her. "Meredith."

"Don't." She says without looking at him.

"Meredith!" He tries again, grabbing her arm.

"Just don't!"

He stops walking letting go of her, taken aback by her anger. He looks at her till she turns a corner, then slowly walks back to the nurses station.

"You need to tell me something, don't you?" Cristina faces Meredith. She had been in the same hall coming from the opposite direction, and turning the same corner as Meredith.

"No I don't" Meredith answers, trying to look away.

"Oh you so do."

But before she can, they're interrupted by Bailey.


	12. lunch

After getting some food from the cafeteria for lunch, she heads down to the hallway where they all usually hang out. She's pretty sure Meredith will be there, and she's dying to know what's going on.

She was totally right. Meredith had opted not to eat lunch in the cafeteria. She didn't want to run into Derek. She knew she needed to talk to him at some point, but not yet. She hadn't even spoken to Finn yet.

Without a word, Cristina climbs onto the hospital bed Meredith is sitting on and sits down next to her. Leaning her back against the wall. Not saying a word, she starts unpacking her lunch. Meredith looks at her. Cristina meets her eyes then busies herself with her lunch again.

"It's nothing." Meredith says not able to bear the silence.

Cristina seems to ignore her completely, taking a bite out of her sandwich.

It's not!"

Cristina doesn't even seem aware that Meredith is there.

A few more agonizing seconds of silence

Meredith sighs loudly, desperately.

"I slept with McDreamy."

Cristina almost chokes on her sandwich.


	13. elevators and air

Meredith gets on the elevator which is blissfully empty. One floor down though someone else gets on. Meredith, who had been staring at the floor, was first presented with the red high heels (oh no), eyes travelling up over long legs (please no), further up to meet Addison's face (crap!). Addison hesitates a second when she sees Meredith, but she gets on anyway. She stands beside Meredith and an awkward silence ensues.

Meredith is nervous, she feels guilty, and she doesn't know how much Addison knows. But judging Addison's shifty eyes and the plucking of her skirt, she knows something is wrong.

Meredith risks another sideways glance. Perfect timing as Addison did the exact same thing at the exact same time. Both smile nervously as eyes shift back to the floor as quickly as possible.

Meredith feels she needs to say something, she feels responsible somehow. She opens her mouth to speak.

"This is my floor." Addison shoots out nervously before Meredith had the chance to say anything.

Addison moves to the doors that seem to take ages to open. She almost runs out when they finally do. She walks on briskly down the hallway trying to compose herself.

What was happening? Why was she afraid of this confrontation, she should have had the upper hand in it. She should be the one starting it. Why was all she wanted now was to run? She couldn't face Meredith, even though she felt like she should. She still didn't know what had happened last night. She just knew that something did. Something that had made Derek finally see through what he probably should have seen through months ago. So Meredith must have given him a reason to finally do it. So she had every right to confront Meredith. But all she wanted to do was run. Just run.

...

Meredith had just gone outside to get some air, well that and to try and avoid Derek, when her phone rings. Caller ID flashed Finn. She looks at the display and the phone rings 3 more times before she answers it.

"Hey, Finn." She manages.

"Hey Meredith. I called you like a dozen times last night and this morning."

"Yeah sorry, things were kinda crazy. And I'm at work now, so.."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay."

"How's Izzie?"

"Not good." It's sweet of him to ask after Izzie.

So far so good, no hard questions from Finn yet. But she can just feel them coming. What is she gonna say? How is she gonna explain?

"Meredith..." Finn starts, obviously not knowing how to begin.

'Oh God, please cue huge horrible trauma coming in right now, or an earthquake' Meredith prays. Meredith looks around nothing happens. 'dead battery? Bailey coming to yell at me, Addison even. Okay Armageddon, whatever, I'm not picky.'

"Meredith we need to talk don't we?" It's not really posed as a question more like a statement. Her answer however, sounds more like a question. "Yeah?"

They should, they really should, she knows they should.

"Can we meet tonight? Go out for dinner or something?"

"I'm on call tonight." First ever time that was a positive thing.

"So when?"

"Tomorrow night?" She can hardly push it to next week, and at least she'll have another 24 hours now.

"Okay, tomorrow."

"Tomorrow" Meredith repeats again.


	14. signing off

Derek opens the door to find Addison already sitting on the couch. She looks a bit on edge, like she's a little nervous. But to be honest, he felt a bit weird about this himself, especially since they're doing this at work.

"You got them?" Addison asks him.

"Yeah I got them."

He moves to sit next to her on the couch.

"So.."

"So.."

"We should get this over with." Addison decides.

"Yeah, I've got surgery in fifteen minutes."

Derek spreads the papers out on the table in front of them. He had pulled them from his desk drawer where he had put them after their reconciliation.

"You got a pen?" He asks.

"Yeah, yeah I got a pen." Addison breathes in deeply.

She signs the papers while Derek looks at her, her hand is trembling. As she finishes, she hands the pen to Derek.

They look at each other, unable to say anything.

As he starts to sign, tears start to roll down her face.

When he's done he looks at her again.

"So I guess this is it." He says barely above a whisper.

"Yeah, it is. Oh God it is." Addison bursts into tears. Derek puts his arms around her and she lets him comfort her. Her head on his shoulder, he lets his own head rest on hers.

Suddenly the door opens. Doctor Webber comes in. "Oh. Eh…excuse me." He stammers and leaves the room as quickly as he can.

Addison sits wiping her tears away. Derek still has his arm around her.

"You want me to talk to Richard? Get you the day off?"

"No, no, I'll be fine. Really. I'm only working till four anyway. After that I'll go find a hotel." She sniffs.

"Addison." He sighs sadly. "You can stay at the trailer tonight. I'm on call anyway."

"Are you kidding me? Leaving the trailer is the only good thing about this divorce." She smiles through her tears. She even manages to elicit a small smile from Derek.

"Okay. But we should still talk to the Chief." "Yeah. But not today." She looks at him. "Not today." He concedes looking into her eyes.

Derek's pager goes off. He looks at it. "I should go. I'm sorry." "It's okay. I'll ah...I'll deal with these." Addison says folding the papers together. "We'll talk later yeah?" He says on his way to the door. "Yeah later." Addison manages, then he's gone.


	15. talking

The day is finally drawing to an end and even though Meredith was on call tonight, it should be a slow night. She'd probably be able to get some sleep. She'd spoken to George on the phone earlier. He had managed to get some drink and food into Izzie, but she still wasn't speaking, or moving very much.

She's standing at the nurses station filling in some paperwork. Derek sees her and moves over to stand beside her. Looking down on his own chart and writing.

"Hi" He whispers.

"Hi"

"So we can't talk?"

"I don't want to talk."

"Well what do you want?"

He's having such a hard time keeping his eyes down on his chart. He wants to turn towards her so badly look her in the eyes, but he's afraid she'll run off again if he does.

She's not answering his question. He'll try something else.

"D'you talk to Finn?"

"D'you talk to Addison?"

"I did." He forces himself to keep himself calm. He wants to tell her so much, he want to grab her and make her look at him when he tells her. But he can't, he has to do this on her terms, not his. She has to call the shots, she has to lead.

But right now, all she does is walk away from him.

…

Meredith wanders down to the deserted hallway where Cristina is already sitting on one of the beds, her nose in a medical book. Meredith climbs onto it next to her. She just spent several hours doing sutures. Some bar fight in which every customer had seemed to feel obligated to join in. Thankfully Derek had left her pretty much alone though. He was around, and he'd look at her, but that was it.

"So how's Burke doing?"

"He's asleep now. Still got tremors though."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No." Cristina almost looks disgusted.

"Well Finn wants to talk."

Cristina closes her book, not much studying going to happen now anyway.

"And Derek wants to talk."

"Can't they just talk to each other?'

"God no!"

They sit in silence for a while.

"So I should go with Finn right? I mean he's nice, and he has plans. Finn's the right choice?" Meredith babbles nervously. "Finn's the right choice." She tries to convince herself.

Cristina looks at her.

"But Derek…" Meredith sighs.

"So you're stuck between choosing a vet and McDreamy? You've come to this? Seriously? That's like choosing between low fat and non fat yoghurt. Go to Joe's bar and get yourself some freakin' ice cream!"


	16. mess

It's four in the morning, and Meredith finally has a chance to get some sleep. She enters the on call room and flicks on the light. She sits on the nearest bed and starts taking her shoes off. The door opens and when she looks up she sees Derek standing in the opening.

"Can I come in?"

"Probably not a good idea."

He decides to come in anyway but keeps his distance by leaning against the opposite wall.

"Meredith…" His voice is hesitant and hardly above a whisper.

"Derek I can't do this right now! You're married! And I'm with Finn!" She had gotten up and stands in front of him, fists tightly clenched.

"Addison and I are getting divorced. We signed the papers today."

"Derek why are you doing this to me? Why are you trying to break me?" She yells desperately.

"Because it hurts! It hurts to see you! It hurts to talk to you! It hurts to even think of you! And everyday it just gets worse." He puts his hand through his hair turning away from her, thinking about what he just said. He has to look away, don't look at her, no repeat of last night. She'd never forgive him.

He leans his back against the walk and just lets himself sink to the floor.

Instead of walking away like he'd expected her to do, she follows his example and slides down next to him.

"We've made quite a mess." She says staring at the opposite wall.

Derek is holding his head in his hands, slightly shaking it in disbelieve.

"We certainly have." He lets one hand down and turns his head to look at her.

He lets his head fall back against the wall and sighs.

Meredith moves over her hand to hold his, their fingers entwine.

He turns his head and gives her a smile, short and sweet, then turns his head back again.

"You know, I went to Joe's last night. You didn't show up." A small smile plays on his lips at that last comment, like he'd really expected her to.

"You did?" She turns her head to look at him, still leaning it back against the wall.

"Yeah I did." He keeps staring ahead, somewhere between the wall and the ceiling.


	17. the vet

"So where are you off to? Some more examining with McDreamy?" Alex asks as Meredith enters the kitchen all cleaned up. George had gone in to work when Alex had come back. Meredith came home a couple of hours after that.

"What you live here now?" Meredith bites back. Actually she's very glad he's there. She wouldn't have liked to leave Izzie alone. But cancelling on Finn wasn't really an option either.

"I have a date with Finn."

"What, the vet? He's still hanging around?"

"I know, I know, I have to choose."

"No I don't care. In fact, have both, as long as you can have them. Have some fun! You've been screwed for so long, it's your turn to screw others."

Meredith gives him a small smile before she leaves. She could always trust on Alex to give her some weird radical point of view and make things seem less heavy.


	18. at finn's

"So you want red or white?"

"Huh?" Meredith is pulled from her thoughts back into reality.

She's on the couch at Finn's place. He's cooking her dinner.

"Wine, you want red or white?" Finn questions holding up two bottles.

"You haven't got anything stronger?" She tries to joke.

Finn's smile fades as he lowers his arms.

"Meredith…"

"Sorry. White please."

Finn looks like he's about to say something, but instead he turns around and walks back to the kitchen.

He hands her a glass of wine and sits down next to her.

"Thanks."

"Dinner should be ready in about five minutes."

They sit there for a while. Finn turned towards her, looking at her. Meredith tries to ignore it by staring ahead and sipping her wine.

"So scary and damaged came to the surface last night, didn't it?" He questions, trying to judge her reaction.

She turns and looks at him.

"Derek, right?"

"Finn…" She's struggling to find the words. She'd been thinking about it for two days now. What was she gonna say to him? How was she gonna explain? She hadn't come up with any answers yet. But Finn was waiting for one. There had been no subtle build up, no slowly into the subject. Finn had jumped straight to the leading question. And she was terrified.

Her eyes meet his, he's clearly waiting for the answer. She quickly looks down.

"You and Derek?"

"Yeah." She looks up at him again. "Me and Derek."

"But he's married."

"Well he won't be much longer." Eyes are back on the coffee table.

"But he was before.." Finn tries to comprehend.

"Yes, he was."

"So you had a thing with your married boss?"

"Yes." Meredith confirms. She's so much in the 'this can't be happening, I'm not actually here' phase, she lost the ability to form full sentences, or defend herself in any way.

"What happened?"

"Addison."

Finn is starting to look a little frustrated, this isn't going anywhere.

"So what was that about, last night?"

An alarm goes off, and Finn gets up. "That's the oven."

Meredith breath's deeply. It felt like she hadn't breathed during the entire conversation. Like all the muscles in her chest had been tightening.

Meredith gets up from the couch and walks over to the kitchen. It feels like she's not controlling her own movements, like someone is pushing her. She lingers at the entrance and watches Finn's back is turned towards her, bending over to reach in the oven.

"Finn I've been treating you really bad. And you don't deserve that. And I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." Finn turns around, startled by her sudden words. But she keeps right on, afraid she'll lose her nerve.

"And you're right. It is Derek. I did go out with him. And I didn't know he was married. And then he was. And then there was Addison. And she was so pretty. And then I asked him to pick me. I begged, actually. And he chose her. And then I got a dog. But then he had to go. And of course he went to Derek." Tears are streaming down her face, but she keeps right on. "Then I found out my mother was a dirty whore. And I saw my dad. And then I slept with George. And everybody hated me. My friends wouldn't speak to me. And then Derek would. And Addison for some reason. And then I met you. And I have tried so hard to get over it. I tried. But he kept looking at me. He always kept looking at me." She's out of breath. She tries to breathe deeply to calm herself down. She doesn't really want to give Finn a chance to react, cause she's terrified what he'll say. But she has to breathe. Her breath is high in her chest and irregular. She's almost hyperventilating.

Finn looks at her for a second before making up his mind. He walks over to her and pulls her into his arms. She lets him hold her, but she doesn't give in. Her arms still tightly held across her chest.

"It's okay. It's okay. Ssshh don't cry. It's okay."

"No. It's not." She says, realising it herself.

Finn doesn't know what to do, what to say. She dropped this huge bombshell. He doesn't know where to begin, he isn't even sure he got everything she was saying. She seems to be calming down a bit though. He releases her and looks at her.

"We should probably eat. Before it gets cold." He tries to give her a small smile.

"Yeah." She replies. She can't help but feel a little disappointed when he turns his back and walks back to the oven.

Dinner is quiet. Every now and then they risk quick glances at each other, but when they are met, eyes fly back to the food.

"More wine?" Finn finally breaks the silence.

"Uhm, yeah." Meredith knows she probably shouldn't, but lets face it, she'd never been very good at refusing alcohol. And this time she sure felt she wasn't gonna survive without it.


	19. still hardcore

"Hi Joe." Meredith sighs as she sits down at the bar.

"I know that look." Joe reaches for a bottle and pours her a shot.

"Thanks." Meredith says and throws it back.

"So are we waiting for someone?" Joe asks as he pours her another.

"Nope, we're on our own tonight and we're gonna stay that way."

Joe fills her glass again.

"So Derek told you right?" And down goes number three.

"Yeah last night."

Without another word Meredith throws back number four.

"What happened to McVet?"

"I just had dinner with him."

"And?"

"And now I'm feeling very self destructive again."

Five and six come and go in record time.

...

When Meredith enters the locker room, the others are already there.

"Wow you look like crap." Cristina compliments.

"Thanks." Meredith walks over to her locker and starts changing.

"So Izzie is all alone right now." George brings up. He had been in the hospital since last night, and Alex and Meredith both started again this morning.

"Shouldn't we like call someone?"

"Like who man?" Alex questions.

"I don't know, maybe her mom?"

"Her mom? She never speaks to her mom, besides she's too far away." Alex answers. All stare at him, wondering how he knew all that about her.

"What? She told me once."

"Oh yeah, like during one of your supply closet excursions?" Cristina snorts.

"Whatever."

"How was she this morning Alex?." Meredith asks.

"Well she got up. She was in the kitchen. Not a word, but she was up."

"Wait, weren't you at home last night?" George asks Meredith a little surprised.

"You're all late! Get your butts out here and do rounds!" Bailey interrupts them.

They all hurry out.

"So much for a baby softening her, she's still hardcore." George whispers as he runs out with the others.

After rounds Meredith was assigned to the pit with George.

"I'm still worried about Iz."

"I know George, but there's not much we can do."

...

"So you needed me?" Derek smiles as he leans on the desk at the nurses station, looking at Meredith.

She can't help but smile at his arrogance.

"I've got a patient that needs a consult." She replies handing him the chart.

He looks at the chart. "Should be quick. Doesn't look serious."

"Yeah well he still needs a neuro consult before he's released."

"And you thought of me. I'm touched."

"Get over yourself." Meredith says and starts walking towards the patient room.

He follows her. "So you okay?" He asks, his voice low and quiet.

"Not really." She admits.

"You talked to Finn?"

"Yeah."

"How'd it go?"

She looks at him for a second before answering.

"Well I had a very good talk with Joe."

"That good?"

"That good." She sighs. She doesn't really know where she and Finn stand now, he hadn't really said anything more after her outburst. In the end she just left. And he hadn't tried to stop her.

"Well, I'm sorry."

"You are?" She doesn't believe him.

"No, not really." He gives her a small smile before pushing open the door and entering the patient room.

"Mr Sanders, hi, I'm Doctor Shepherd."


	20. i thought we were over

Meredith is standing at a desk in the entrance hall of the hospital, she's looking at a computer screen. Derek is standing on the walkway, leaning on the railing, looking down on her, smiling to himself. At least she was talking to him.

"Meredith." Finn walks up to her.

Derek's smiles fades instantly, he stands upright. But as much as he doesn't want to see this he can't stop looking at them.

"Finn what are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you, your phone is off. I went to your house and Izzie said you were at the hospital. So can we go have lunch or something?"

"Woh, woh, Izzie said? She's talking?"

"Uh apparently." Finn shrugs, not understanding the big deal.

"Look Mer, last night ended kind of weird. We should really talk."

"I thought you didn't want to talk anymore."

"Mer, I just needed some time to let it all sink in. I mean, I'm still trying to figure out what you said."

Meredith stares at the computer screen and quietly says. "I thought we were over. I mean last night…"

"Mer I needed to think. I know I was a little cold last night, but I'm sorry." Finn pulls her into a hug. Meredith loses her balance as she hadn't expected him to do that. So she can't help but lean into him, it's either that or the floor. She quickly breaks lose and nervously looks around her. She finds Cristina with a big smirk on her face. Meredith must have looked seriously unhappy when she was pulled of balance. It wasn't the loving hug Finn had gone for.

But for Derek it was enough, he turns and walks away.

"I uh.. I have to uh.. get back to work." Meredith stammers. She is completely overwhelmed by this.

"Have lunch with me." Seeing her hesitation he urges: "Come on."

"Okay. Alright. I'll see you then okay, I have really have to get back now."

"Okay." Finn kisses her on her cheek and leaves.

Meredith shoots an angry look to Cristina who is still laughing and then walks off.

….

"What was that about?" Derek is barely able to contain his anger. He knows he's being unfair. But things had seemed to be moving in the right direction. And now she was hugging Finn again?

"What was what about?" Meredith asks surprised not understanding where this is coming from.

Derek wants to answer but notices all the people staring at them. He grabs her arm and drags her to the nearest supply closet.

"You and Finn!"

"What? Oh yeah he came by." Realisation dawning on Meredith.

"Yeah I saw that. Why? What's he doing here?"

"Okay. Calm down."

"I don't wanna CALM DOWN!"

"You're upset about me and Finn talking? Seriously? How about you? How about you going home with Addison night after night after NIGHT! She's right up in his face. She's not going to back down from this! They look each other straight in the eyes. Faces mere inches apart.

"I hate it when you're with him." His voice is quiet and hoarse.

"Well now you know how it feels." She hisses back.

This would be so wrong on so many levels, but he couldn't stop himself, and he didn't really want to either. He had to reclaim her, make her is. Mark his territory. Not only to prove to Finn but also to Meredith that she was his. He just needed her so much, and she was right there.

He pushes her up against the wall and kisses her forcefully and passionately.

She's stunned for a second, the audacity of him! But he feels so good. Oh and he knows exactly where to touch her. And his smell. She finds herself giving in. Wrapping her arms around his neck, hands roaming through his hair. His hands find there way up her scrubs remarkably quickly, caressing her bare skin.

How had she ever lived without his fingers burning her skin. How had he ever been able to resist touching her warm body. Her perfect skin and God she smelled so good. Not just her hair, but all of her. He had missed her so much. And the other night had not stilled the hunger, it had only made him more aware of what he'd been missing. And he couldn't miss it for a second longer.


	21. i should go

As she watches Derek picking up his scrub top off the ground, she realises she's meeting Finn in like two hours. What had she done? How did she get here? Now she had cheated on Finn twice. Finn who was nice and secure and had plans. Why would she do this? Was she really that bad a person?

Derek turns around to face her. He looks at her, then kisses her lightly on the lips. Stroking her face with his thumb. He leans his forehead against hers, enjoying their closeness. They both jump as his pager goes off, he checks to see who it is. He kisses her once more before leaving the supply closet.

Meredith's all alone now, leaning against the wall. So many emotions are running through her. She doesn't know which one to tackle first. She breathes deeply, trying to compose herself. She's gotten herself into a fine mess.

…..

Meredith runs into the diner where she was meeting Finn. He's already sitting at one of the tables.

"Hi sorry I'm late." She quickly sits down and immediately picks up a menu to decide on an order. "I don't really have a lot of time. I have to be back in twenty minutes to pick up labs."

"Okay well, can we at least ...

"Do you know what you're having?"

"Meredith.." Finn picks up her hand, trying to make contact.

"I think the grilled cheese is good here, or maybe a burger."

"Meredith!

Meredith sighs and looks Finn in the eyes. It has to quick. If it's slow, she'll back out. And it's not fair. Quick, like pulling a band aid.  
"Finn I'm still in love with Derek."

Finn averts his eyes and lets go of her hand.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

"I should go." Without another word or look Finn gets up and leaves Meredith alone at the table. She puts her head in her hands and starts crying.


	22. crap

After her shift Meredith rushes home to check on Izzie.

She enters the house and starts looking for her. She finds Izzie in her bed with a big bowl of ice cream.

"Hey." Meredith greets as she drops herself on the bed next to Izzie.

"Hey." Izzie sighs taking another spoonful.

"Yeah I heard you were talking again."

Izzie just shrugs.

"So how are you feeling?"

"Miserable."

Meredith just leans her head on Izzie's shoulder, taking over the spoon and diving in for a bite.

"So how was your day?"

"You don't wanna know."

"Miserable?"

"Miserable"

"Tell me."

"No"

"Come on take my mind of my own misery."

"Well, I slept with McDreamy. And I broke up with Finn."

"You just always have to outdo me don't you." Izzie says with a sad smile.

"No, I think you'll top the list for a couple more weeks at least." Handing back the spoon.

"So, you're back with McDreamy now?"

"No"

"Crap"

Yeah, crap"

"Thank God for ice cream."

….

Addison is standing in the entrance area of the hospital. Two cups of coffee in her hands

"Morning" Addison greets and holds out a cup of coffee.

"Morning, thanks." Derek returns, taking the cup.

"You sleep okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, it's a nice hotel, good beds. You?"

"Not a wink."

"Yeah me neither."

He gives her a small smile.

"So you ready?" He asks.

"I guess." She follows Derek down the hall.

Derek knocks on a door.

"Enter."

Derek opens the door

"Morning Richard. Could we talk to you for a minute?"

"Come in."

Addison follows Derek in and they both take seats opposite the chief.

They sit in silence for a moment exchanging glances.

" Richard, Addison and I have decided to get a divorce."

"Oh."

"We've already signed the papers."

"I'm sorry." Richard isn't quite sure what to say.

"Thanks. It's not like it's sudden or unexpected or anything." Addison shakes her head.

"So where does this leave you? Are you both staying?"

"Well yeah." Addison starts looking at Derek for confirmation. "We want to try and work together." Derek nods at her. "It won't be easy." She sighs. "But I like it here, and we just started the program."

"Well that's good. I'm glad. I wouldn't have liked to lose either one of you."


	23. stop saying no

**AN: These next scenes are set over several weeks (so imagine more than one episode)**

"Meredith." Derek greets as he gets into the elevator.

"Dr. Shepherd." She returns.

He turns to face her. "We're back to that now?"

"You're my boss."

"But I could be so much more."

"Being my boss is enough."

"Oh come on."

"No" She smiles and she walks out of the elevator.

…

"Dr Bailey, I need an intern."

"Anyone in particular?" She replies sarcastically.

"Well actually I was thinking Dr Gr.."

"You get Karev!" Bailey cuts him off.

….

"Meredith we should really talk. Have lunch with me later?"

"No"

…..

"So we'll just go out for coffee then?"

"No"

…

"You know Meredith, you need to stop paging me. It's becoming a little obvious."

"What? That I'm working on neuro today?"

…

"You know there's a ferry boat with our names on it."

"No"

…

"How about we go say hi to Joe and his bottle of tequila after work?"

"No"

….

This time she sees him coming. He smiles at her, opens his mouth, but she cuts him off.

"Derek"

"Meredith"

"Stop chasing me."

"Stop saying no." He grins back cheekily.

…..

The elevator doors open and she gets in, her shift's over, she's going home. Of course he'd be here. She can't help but smile at the impossible chance of them always riding the elevator together.

He's leaning against the sidewall on her left, hands in pockets, looking rather happy with himself. She turns around, pushes a button and demonstratively stand in the middle of the elevator, facing the doors. He had looked up as she entered and given her one of his famous smiles. She refuses to say a word, but her heart started beating a little faster.

He pushes himself off the wall, keeping his hands in his pockets, and walks over to her.

He leans his chest lightly against her shoulder, as he whispers into her ear: "I'm not gonna stop chasing you." With that he turns around and leaves the elevator, which had just arrived on the next floor.

"I know." Meredith laughs.


	24. on your own

After work Derek goes over to Joe's for a drink. He sits down at the bar.

"On your own again doc?"

"Thanks Joe, I really needed someone else to point that out to me."

"Sorry. So no Meredith?"

"No, no Meredith. Not yet anyway."

Joe gives him a sympathetic smile and puts down a drink in front of him.

…..

"Hey doc. It's about closing time." Joe shakes Derek from his thoughts.

"Oh. Right."

"Something wrong?"

Derek stares ahead for a moment, then answers as if only just realising it himself:

"There's no one at home. Meredith said no, and Addison moved out."

"Wasn't that the whole point?"

"All those times when I'd spent the day thinking about Meredith, working with her, talking to her, laughing with her. Every time I had to go home at night and face Addison. And every time I did. As much as I didn't want to go home and face her, I did."

"But now there's no Addison waiting for you." Joe stated.

"Right. But then why am I scared to go home?" Derek stares into nothing, a sad smile on his lips.


	25. bad day

This was gonna be a bad day. She knew it the second she woke up. Nothing big to believe it would be, just a feeling. But thinking back to the last time she had a feeling…

Well at least she didn't feel like she was going to die today. It would just be a bad one.

Just when life had seemed to be getting a little better. Her friendship with George was going well. Izzie had even left the house for the first time in days. It was only for a couple of minutes and she stayed on the porch, but still. And she was slowly coming around to the idea of saying yes to Derek when he would once again make one of his imaginative propositions. He had gotten quite creative over the last couple of days.

She managed to drag herself out of bed and into the bathroom.

….

"I'm sorry Meredith. We have to let her go. There's too much damage." Derek says sadly laying down his surgical equipment.

"But.. but she was just laughing at me. I tickled her and she laughed."

"I know, but there's nothing we can do."

"But she's only three years old." She feels the tears burning in her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall. She had really gotten attached to the little girl over the past two days.

….

"Hey Mer, I just saw your dad." George says a little hesitantly not sure if she wants to hear this.

"What? Where?"

"He's upstairs. Your sister just had her baby. I wasn't sure if you wanted to know."

"No, no, thanks. I did."

After a lot of hesitation Meredith decides to go upstairs. She checks the room number at the nurses station and slowly walks towards it, building up the courage. The door is open and she sees her fathers back. She doesn't enter immediately but listens at the door first.

Thatcher is standing in the middle of the room with the baby in his arms. "You know I'm the luckiest man in the world. I've got these two beautiful daughters. One is at Harvard becoming a doctor, and the other has just given me an even more beautiful grandchild than anyone could possible wish for. It's just perfect. Everything is perfect."

Meredith quickly walks away, once again fighting back the tears.

….

"I know, I just thought…"

"YOU ARE AN INTERN! YOU DO NOT NEED TO THINK! YOU JUST NEED TO FOLLOW MY ORDERS! IT IS NOT YOUR PLACE TO QUESTION MY DECISIONS! I AM AN ATTENDING! WHEN I SAY JUMP YOU ASK HOW HIGH! WHEN I SAY GO, YOU RUN YOUR PRETTY LITTLE LEGS OUT FROM UNDER YOUR BODY UNTIL I TELL YOU TO STOP! ARE WE CLEAR?"

Meredith doesn't know where to look. They're in the middle of the hallway by the nurses station. Everyone has stopped what they were doing and are watching the scene. Not that they needed to be that close to hear it, Meredith is pretty sure there isn't a person in the hospital that missed Dr Harrison's booming voice.

"I SAID ARE WE CLEAR?"

"Yes sir." She whispers.

"Good. Now get lost! I've had enough of you today." Turning around "Doctor Bailey I need a new intern!"

She glances around briefly meeting Cristina. She turns around and walks quickly to the locker room. The other interns on her heels. She pushes open the door, great, it's filled with people. She stops in the middle of the locker room.

"Meredith are you okay?" George asks. "Harrison's an ass." He tries to comfort her.

Meredith can't keep it in anymore. The tears just keep coming and coming. George pulls her into his arms and she lets him. Her hands held tightly across her chest sobbing into his shoulder. She doesn't care she's in the middle of the locker room. She doesn't care all the other interns are looking at her. She doesn't have the energy to care, she just needs to cry. Alex and Cristina quietly usher everyone out. When only the four of them are left, the door opens again. Derek walks in. George signs him over and loosens his hold on Meredith, not letting go of her completely before Derek has taken over his place, pressing her tightly against his chest. Meredith relaxes in his arms a little, pushing her face into the nape of his neck. While one arm still grips her tightly, the other moves up to caress her hair. Slowly rocking her back and forth a bit, gently kissing her forehead.

"Take me home Derek."


	26. home

When they got to her place, they went straight up to her room. Derek got her into bed and then crawled in there with her holding her in his arms. She snuggled up to his chest and quickly fell asleep.

Izzie who had been in the shower, had heard the doors opening and closing. She assumed it was just George and Meredith coming home from work, although they had been a little early. When she didn't find anybody downstairs however she had gone back upstairs and checked the bedrooms. George's was empty. She opened Meredith's door.

"Meredith are you home?" She questioned.

"Ssshh." Derek whispered. "I've just gotten her to sleep."

"What's wrong with her?" Izzie's concern for Meredith won out from her curiosity as to why Derek was lying in bed with her.

"Bad day."

"Oh okay." She wanted to ask more but she didn't want to wake up Meredith. She stood there for a minute looking at Derek, then turned and left.

About an hour later she woke up. Derek had just started dozing off himself when he felt her move in his arms.

"Hey." He smiled at her.

"Hey" She smiled back.

"You okay?"

"I will be."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not right now." She looks at him then closes the distance between their lips. A short tender kiss. Their eyes meet again mirroring the longing. His hand cups her face as their lips meet again, this time it's a deeper more passionate kiss. He pushes her on her back and moves over her a little. She moves her hands down to the hem of his shirt and pulls it over his head. Hers follows rather quickly and he starts trailing kisses down her neck and lower onto her chest. Her fingers roam through his hair as she gently presses down on it keeping him close. Her eyes close as she completely gives in to him. How she'd missed this, longed for it.


	27. no more icecream

Derek is on his back holding Meredith close. She's gently stroking his chest looking quite happy. Derek turns to face her.

"So Meredith what does this mean?"

"You really like that question, don't you?"

"Well I just need to know." He says, his fingers playing with her hair.

"What does it mean to you?" She tries playfully.

He looks her in her eyes and answers her: "Everything."

Wow, she didn't see that one coming. He smiles at her nervously. She smiles back, hopefully reassuring him and kisses him again.

Meredith walks into the kitchen, Izzie is sitting at the counter.

"Hey"

"Hi"

"So where'd you leave McDreamy?"

"He's upstairs getting dressed."

"So you two back together then?"

"Yeah. Yeah I guess we are." Meredith breaks out into a big smile realising this.

"Oh you so aren't getting any ice cream." Izzie says, she had just put another bowl full of ice cream in front of her.

"Why not?"

"Cause you're happy. Happy people don't get to have ice cream. If they did, there wouldn't be enough for all the miserable people. And they really need it." Izzie states, swirling her spoon through the air.

Meredith can't help but laugh.

"What's so funny?" Derek asks as he walks in.

"Nothing."

"Ooh ice cream."

"It's not for us apparently."

"Why not?"

"Because we're happy." Meredith smiles putting an arm around him.

"We are?" He asks looking at her intently.

"We are." She states.

"Ugh get a room you two and let me eat my ice cream in misery." Izzie jokes straight faced.


	28. elevator ride

Meredith walks into the hospital and presses the button for the elevator.

She gets on and several others join her. Some of them get off on the first floor.

Only two other people in there besides her now. They get off on second.

She's all alone now. The doors start to close.

She's expecting a hand to come in between any second now. Any second. It could still happen.

A few fingers can still get in there. Nothing. The doors are closed and the elevator starts moving again.

Fourth floor, that's her stop. She gets off and stands outside the elevator for a while wondering what just had happened. That had been the most disappointing elevator ride she had ever been on.


	29. acting professional

She's standing at the nurses station writing something on a chart, when she suddenly feels a hand creeping up her scrub top from behind. She quickly turns around finding a smiling Derek.

"Morning."

"Derek we're at work."

"So"

"We should at least try to act professional."

"But I missed you."

"You saw me yesterday."

"See that's way too long ago. Besides I have something for you." He keeps trying to touch her. She keeps trying to dodge him.

"Well you can give it to me later. If I can keep my hands to myself..." She playfully hits his arm. "Then so can you."

"You weren't the one sleeping alone last night."

"No, I was the one not sleeping at all last night."

"See. You didn't have to lay in bed all by yourself."

"I didn't get to lay in bed at all."

He just cocks his head and smiles.

"You're impossible." She laughs.

"Now that's not true, I'm very possible, and very open to any suggestions."

"Well I'm not making any, suggestions that is." She's standing right in front of him, trying to stare him down. He just smiles at her. Before she realised what had happened he had already undone the knot in her scrubs, pulling at the cords.

"Derek!" She shrieks jumping back and retying the cords.

He just laughs out loud.

"Goodbye doctor Shepherd." She states firmly walking backwards.

Goodbye doctor Grey." He laughs.

"Oh and doctor Grey," He says walking backwards. "if it's not to much trouble. It would really be so much more professional if you managed to keep your underwear on at work." Throwing her the black panties she had lost.

"I hate you!" She tries but can't help smiling as she catches her panties. Then realising where she is and quickly looking around to see if anyone overheard that.


	30. owww

Derek is outside the hospital, sitting on the hood of his car, facing the entrance.

Meredith comes out and makes her way over to him. He pushes himself up off the car and wraps his arms around her waist. Her arms move up around his neck as she kisses him. They forget about the world for a moment, enjoying their closeness.

They look up though when a car parks next to Derek's. The person getting out is Addison. Derek and Meredith loosen their embrace, not sure how to behave. Addison looks at them for a second but quickly turns her head. This is so awkward and rather painful too, seeing them together like that. Addison locks her car as quick as she can and makes for the hospital.

"That was weird." Meredith says.

"Yeah" Derek sighs, looking after Addison feeling bad for her. This can't be easy for her.

Addison enters the hospital and gets on the elevator. She leans against the wall and briefly closes her eyes. Trying to calm her breathing. The divorce she was handling. The going to a hotel room alone every night was on the edge. But seeing them together like that, that was too much.


	31. the chief

Derek is riding the elevator, by himself. He's got his arms crossed, staring at the ceiling. The doors open and he sees Meredith come in.

"Hey" he greets with a smile on his face, moving his arms down to grab her.

She gives him a stern look and avoids his arms. He soon realises why as the chief follows Meredith onto the elevator. Derek quickly spins around, crosses his arms again, then faces front again.

"Richard" he greets.

"Derek" The chief replies, taking his place in between the two.

They stand in silence. After a few seconds Derek dares a glance at Meredith behind the chiefs back. Meredith feels his eyes and can't help but meet them.

In the corner of her eye she sees the chief's head move, turning towards her. She quickly breaks contact with Derek, returning the chief's glance, trying to look innocent.

The chief then turns his head to face Derek, who seems to be very interested in the control panel.

Meredith gets off on the next floor, leaving Derek and the chief.

The chief looks at him again, then sighs deeply.

Derek meet him this time. His face breaking into a short nervous smile.

"Derek"

"Oh this is my stop." But the doors don't open quickly enough.

"Derek, do you need to tell me something?"

They're interrupted by Derek's pager.

"Sorry chief, gotta run." Derek jumps out of the elevator, quietly thanking God for the page.

…..

"You paged?" Derek asks when he finds Meredith alone in an exam room.

"Thought you needed a little rescuing.

"Well I did."

"Do you think he knows?" Meredith asks a little nervous.

"I think he suspects something. I mean he knows Addison and I split up."

"What are we gonna do?" Meredith leans against the table, arms crossed, looking a little worried.

"We could tell him." Derek suggest walking over to her.

"He was okay with Burke and Cristina." Derek soothingly rubs her arms trying to reassure her.

"Yeah but.." Meredith is hesitating.

"Meredith I think we've done enough sneaking. We did it before and we're doing it now. I don't wanna hide it anymore."

"Well we're not doing a very good job of it anyway." Meredith starts to give in.

"Almost everyone knows already." She smiles weakly, letting him pull her into his embrace.

"See, and wouldn't it be better if the chief heard it from us?"

"I guess." Meredith pushes her face into his shoulder, just wanting him to hold her.

He's kissing her hair and her cheek, caressing her back.

"I'll talk to the chief today." He promises.

…..

The day is drawing to an end when Derek finally finds the courage to go see Webber.

He arrives at the office and knocks on the door.

"Enter" The chief calls, looking up as he hears the door opening.

Derek lingers in the opening for a while.

"Richard"

"Derek. Come in, come in." Webber puts his pen down sitting up.

Derek takes a seat, looking for the words.

"Richard I did need to tell you something before."

"Yes…" Webber urges him to continue.

"Well…ehm…well see me and Meredith, we uhm…we're back together."

"I thought so." Webber looks at him, making Derek nervous.

"We're serious. Well I am anyway."

"You'd better be." Webber threatens.

"I am, Richard. I can't loose her again."

"Look Derek I'm not happy about this, but I can't say I didn't see it coming. And I can't really say anything because I let Burke and Yang be, but I don't want my attendings to make it a habit to go out with interns."

"I know, I.."

"Now you take very good care of that girl. She means a lot to me."

"I will." Derek was a little surprised by those last words. He had prepared for an elaborate argument. No need, Richard was accepting it, apparently.

….

This was a good day. Derek decides as he gets out of his car and walks up to Meredith's house. She opens the door for him and immediately pulls him in for a kiss. He wraps his arms around her and picks her up, moving her into the house, closing the door behind them with his foot.

"Miss me?" He asks when he comes up for air.  
"How'd it go?" She asks, looking up at him, touching his nose with hers.

"Well, kinda good actually."

"Really? He was okay with it?"

"Well no, not okay. But he seemed to accept it. He wasn't surprised to find out."

"So what did you say to him?"

"I told him we were together, and that we're serious, and that I cannot possibly loose you again." Derek concludes with a kiss.

He breaks the kiss, looking at her.

"We can finally stop sneaking." He says.

"I guess we can." Meredith agrees.

"So let's go upstairs." Derek suggests mischievously.

"You're barely through the front door, still have your coat on and already you want to go upstairs?" Meredith laughs.

"Well, barely is more than enough, and the coat thing can be arranged in a second. So yes let's go upstairs.

Meredith can't help but give in. Their sneaking days are over, they need to celebrate.

Derek scoops her up in his arms and carries her up the stairs. She giggles at his bravado meanwhile planting kisses on his face and in his neck.

When they get to her room he gently lays her on the bed. He hadn't lied, the coat disappeared within the blink of an eye. Quickly followed by shirts, shoes and socks. He climbs in the bed with her, helping her undress. Kissing every inch of flesh newly exposed to the light.

Lips find each other again, tongues starting a slow and tantalizing duel. His hands move down her body, caressing her skin, making for the buttons on her jeans. The jeans disappear not much later, soon followed by his.


	32. Mark

"Look I'm serious about starting up a plastics program here at SGH, and you're one of the best, but.."

"Look I know, Derek and Addison right? I know, I lost my best friends. But I want to work on that, and I can't do that when I'm in New York and they're over here. Richard I really like the opportunities this program is offering, and I'll work hard for it. And as for Derek and Addison, I'll let them call the shots. I won't make scenes."

Richard ponders on this for a moment. He's not sure if Mark knows about the divorce, but decides it's not his place.

"Okay we'll give it a go. If there are any problems however, you should know my loyalties aren't with you."

"I respect that."

….

"Mark?" Meredith is surprised to see him.

"Ah my partner in crime."

"What are you doing here."

"Well doctor Webber made me a good offer, and apparently it's okay for attendings to sleep with interns over here. So how could I refuse?"

"You work here now?"

"Starting tomorrow."

"Wow, is that a good idea?"

"You tell me." Mark had been uncertain himself. "Any sign of cracks in that perfect marriage?"

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"They're getting divorced. Signed a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh wow, I need to find Addison."

"Yeah, you should."

"You and Derek?"

"Uhm…yeah" She can't help but smile.

"Score one for the dirty mistresses huh. Good for you."

"Thanks. She's up in OB."

"Thanks." Mark heads for the elevator.

"Addison" Mark says as he walks up to her.

She's standing at a desk looking over a chart. She looks up in surprise as she thinks she recognises the voice.

"Mark? What are you doing here?" Addison doesn't really know how to react. All these different kind of feelings rush in and fight for main focus.

"Hey" He stands next to her and lightly kisses her cheek.

Addison still doesn't know what to do.

"Can we talk?"

"Uhh…yeah…I guess." Addison leads him to an empty room. She holds open the door for him and repeats her question.

"So what are you doing here?"

"What you're not happy to see me?" Mark smiles nervously, he doesn't really know how to go about this. It had all seemed so clear and easy in his head. And he was not a guy to get nervous, but now he was.

Addison just looks at him.

"I had a meeting with Webber."

"Richard? Why?"

"He wants to start a plastics program here at SGH."

"Here?" Addison asks, then realisation dawns on her.

"Oh no! You're going to work here?" Addison asks incredulously.

"I told Webber I'd discuss it with you and Derek first."

"He's not going to like it Mark."

"Why not? He's got his intern now. Why didn't you call me?"

"How do you know…"

"I just ran into her. She told me."

"Mark…" Addison is completely lost for words and feelings. She can't seem to focus. It's like she hears everything they said but it doesn't seem real. Like she's on the outside listening in on this conversation, and she hears it but she doesn't understand. It doesn't filter through.

….

"We were best friends Derek." Mark follows Derek as he walks off, not wanting to deal with the situation.

"Yeah until you decided to sleep with my wife."

"That wasn't about you."

"The hell it wasn't! You slept with my wife. You were my best friend and you slept with my wife."

"She was lonely, we both were. We fell in love. You have Meredith now."

"That doesn't make what you did okay!" With that Derek walks off, he's got nothing more to say.

Meredith was in the on call room trying to get some sleep. It was the middle of the day, but she had been up all night and it was finally slowing down in the pit now. She had only been there for about ten minutes when the door opens. She has her back turned to the door, but she doesn't look to see who entered. She hears someone take their shoes off.

The next moment she feels someone lifting up the sheets on her bed and sliding in behind her, arms moving around to hold her. She doesn't have to look, she knows who it is.

Derek moves in pressing up against her, holding her as close as he can, burying his face in her neck.

"You okay?" She whispers.

He is silent for a moment then decides on honesty.

"No" he whispers back. She grabs his hand and kisses it, holding him close, trying to comfort him.

….

Derek walks into Joe's bar. Mark is at the bar by himself. Derek hesitates for a moment, then walks over.

"Mark"

"Derek"

Derek sits down next to him.

"You want a drink?" Mark offers.

Derek nods.

Mark orders the drinks.

"I'm still not okay with you being here."

"As is your right."


	33. taking advantage

When Derek's shift is over, he leaves for Joe's bar where he's meeting Meredith.

There she is, his favourite intern sitting at the bar. Talking and laughing with Joe.

He creeps behind her signing Joe not to give him away. He slips his arms around her and hugs her from behind. She's startled for a second, then she relaxes in his embrace.

"Hey." He whispers in her ears and kisses her cheek.

"Hey." She smiles back.

"You having fun?"

"A little too much actually." She laughs hanging back against his chest.

"You can leave out the little." Joe remarks semi-serious.

"Yeah?" Derek smiles looking down on Meredith.

"So? You were late. And I was bored."

Derek just smiles at her.

"Come on, I'll take you home."

He has his arm around her waist supporting her balance. She slung her arms around her neck, smiling at everyone and everything they passed.

"Derek" She giggles.

"Yeah?"

"I think I had too much to drink."

"Yeah I think so too." He laughs, persuading her over to his car. "Let's get you home."

"Yes I want to take advantage. " She says and starts kissing his neck.

He returns her kisses and replies: "You can take all the advantage you want."


End file.
